My Primary and Secondary Love Languages

We learnt about love languages in our marriage class yesterday. Although it was something we learnt long ago in church, it was a good refresher. Sometimes what u think may be your primary/secondary love language may not be so. For example, the facilitator was sharing about how she got quite upset with her husband recently during their anniversary. He brought her to Equinox and was thinking she would enjoy the effort he put into planning this night out but she wasn't happy at all when she realised he came empty-handed. She later realised that her secondary love language was gift-giving.

For myself, my primary love language is very simple - affirming words. I strongly believe that there is life and also death in words. And of cos, it is not just the words, but also the tone of voice and the body language. The words themselves only make up 7% of the message conveyed.

I also did some thinking about my secondary love language and I would say it is quality time. Actually, I am surprised by that. I love to be by myself in actual fact, perhaps because I am an introvert and I feel energised and recharged when I have time to myself. Thus, I never thought quality time would be important to me. But I realised that it is the quality of the time together and not necessarily the quantity of time that mattered to me. When one gives me focused attention, willing to listen to me completely and show interest in what I am saying, I feel loved.

As for Joe, he told me that words of affirmation and gift-giving are important to him. Gift-giving! Hmm... shouldn't that be the guy's job? Hahha! Dear, are you really sure about your love languages or you trying to be funny? ;) Read below for more info on words of affirmation and quality time:

The Power of Affirming Words
The Power of the Tongue
Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Good for Mark Twain, but I don’t know many husbands and wives who can survive on six compliments a year. Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew wisdom literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Many couples have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other. Verbal compliments are powerful communicators of love.

Encouraging Words
One way to verbally affirm your spouse is to give encouraging words. Allison always wanted to be a writer, but after receiving her first rejection slip from the publisher, she gave up. One evening her husband Keith came into the den and said, “I hate to interrupt your reading, but I have to tell you this. I just finished reading your article. Allison, you are an excellent writer. This stuff ought to be published! Your words paint pictures that I can visualize. You have got to submit this stuff to some magazines.” “Do you really think so?” Allison asked. “I know so,” Keith said. “I’m telling you, this is good.”

Ten years later, Allison has had several articles published and has her first book contract. She credits her success to Keith’s words of encouragement. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words.

Focus on Your Spouse
There is a difference between encouraging words and nagging words. Encouraging words always
focus on something your spouse wants to do, not something you want them to do. A nag is anything you tell your spouse more than three times.

"It's Not What You Said. It's How You Said It!"
If we are to express love by words of affirmation, those words must be kind words. Kindness has to do with the manner in which we speak. Sometimes our words are saying one thing, but our tone of voice is saying another. Our spouse will usually interpret our message based on our tone of voice, not the words we use. The same words expressed with a loud, harsh voice will not be an expression of love, but an expression of condemnation and judgment. An ancient sage once said, “a soft answer turns away anger."

Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time
Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. For some people, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved. Is it possible that your spouse’s primary love language is quality time?

Listen for Clues
Quality time is a powerful emotional communicator of love. One medicine does not cure all diseases. So one love language does not communicate emotionally to all people. If you give your spouse affirming words; If you express love by acts of service; If you touch them affectionately; and they still complain, “You don’t ever have time for me. We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired,” they are telling you that their primary love language is quality time.

The Essence of Quality Time
A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time, because she does not have his full attention. A husband and wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the game, but on the fact that they are spending time together.

Dialects of Quality Time
Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two people are sharing their experiences, their thoughts, their feelings, and their desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. If your spouse’s primary love languages is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved. Sit down. Ask questions, and listen.

Tips for Keeping the Love Tank Full
I want to conclude by giving you four tips on how to have a quality conversation with your spouse:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.
3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”
4. Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me."

Such active listening will fill the love tank of the person whose primary love language is quality time.

Excerpts taken from The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman.

3 Influential Men

My favourite preacher, Dr AR Bernard, was in town over the weekend! I really really enjoy his teachings. He may not be loud and flamboyant, but his words of wisdom will just blow your mind! I want to be just like him! =) Some insights:

* Even when Jesus was resurrected, His disciples still did not fully understand how He was the Messiah. They were still expecting Him to be a "political" Messiah, to take over the government and establish an earthly kingdom. Thus, on some occasions, Jesus had strictly stopped them from proclaiming that He is the Son of God, only because He knew they would misrepresent Him. Yet before He ascended back to Heaven, He told them that He will send the Holy Spirit to them, that they will through the Spirit receive the power to be His witnesses. It is only through the Holy Spirit that we become effective witnesses for Him. Peter, from an unlearned man, became eloquent and articulate, only because of the Holy Spirit.

* And what is it that we are witnesses for? Is it a system of religious thinking, values, a system of success, the church you attend? Nope, you are testifying that the Jesus you believe in is alive, that you have encountered Him and He has changed your life. How do you convince people of the reality of this Person when He is not here on earth physically and His body is nowhere to be found? Your testimony must be so powerful and so impactful. Will success in the marketplace be sufficient? Will your talents, gifts and abilities be enough? No! People are only persuaded by how convinced you are that this Jesus you believe in is alive in your life. By how real this Jesus is to you! Our success is not central! It may be a by-product of our relationship with God, but the main issue is the fact that there is a living Christ that has changed my life.

* It is not "what are we here for?" but "who are we here for?". There's someone out there waiting to be redeemed of the value that is in them. Not what they may be right now, but what they can become!

Talking about redeeming the value that's out there, I am very humbled that God has used me to bring 3 frens to church, who have stayed, grown and are all cgls now! I know it's really not me, but God who did it! But one thing I have recently realised is the power of prayer. I am reminded that then when I was reaching out to them, I really prayed very hard for them, crying out to God almost daily that they will be souls that remain. And that's the power of prayer. So, I am excited about the connect groups that we will be forming cos I strongly believe it will be very effective!

Two other influential men also took the stage this Sunday during svc - Kenny Low and Jack Neo. For Kenny, I would say he is one who dared to dream and dared to believe and pursue his dream. I used to be in Tuition Ministry and those many years ago, he would share about his dream to set up his own school, to break away from the education system present in S'pore and be a principal. His dream has come to pass!

It was really exciting to see Jack Neo on stage and he's very humble and humorous. Pastor dubbed him our society's "social conscience". Very true! His movies make us laugh but also show us the reality of our society's shortcomings. Looking forward to his new movie!

Honey, I am definitely not mooning* away

*mooning: be lazing around daydreaming

Recently have been busy planning for my honeymoon, borrowing travel guide books from the library, surfing the net for information, sometimes till 2am just to obtain enough information. There's a wealth of info out there but not enough time! But at least things are taking shape now. Have confirmed the countries/cities we are going and also booked the accommodation for each city already! Phew! Actually I was thinking of taking my time, I mean it's still another 6 months or so! But I realised many of the popular accommodations have already been booked up and I made a scramble this whole week reading reviews, emailing the hotels/B&Bs for info, booking rooms, etc. Really praying hard that I made the right choices and everything turns out great!

Btw, here's the list of places we are going:

9-12 July: Paris (plus a trip to Paris Disneyland!)


12-15 July: Barcelona (and considering a day trip to Girona and Figueres)


16-18 July: Madrid (and a day trip to Toledo)


19-22 July: Granada


Not really covering a lot of places.. just gonna take our time at these places and relax~ This is our honeymoon after all =)

Read an extremely helpful article on how to plan for your honeymoon - check this out! Furthermore the writer also included an Excel sheet where he captured all the necessary details for his trip, very very useful! I am adapting it for my own use now. Read too about his fren's step-by-step approach to planning for a holiday in France. Both writers really help to breakdown the immense task of planning for a honeymoon into simple steps.

Dun have much expert advice to share as yet on how to plan for a great honeymoon or holiday overseas but I can say that dun spend $$ buying travel guides from the bookshop. Instead, borrow them from the library. You can even borrow the latest edition at some libraries too. Of course, it's always best to double-check the latest info online cos admission fees change, attractions close for renovation, etc. I like to read DK Top 10 for a concise overview of the best sights and then supplement with info online. Frommer's guides have a lot of useful info too, as well as suggested itineraries and walking tours, that help you to cover the major sights over a short period of time. A lot of the info in their books can be found online at the website.

Other useful online resources are Singapore Brides Forum for some basic info and advice from fellow honeymooners. Their posts can normally point you to even more sources of info. Tripadvisor is a great site to get reviews and feedback from travellers who have visited an area or stayed at a hotel. The reviews played a big part to influence my choices for accommodation.

Ok, my big task this coming week is booking the necessary flights and connections between the cities! Wish me luck! =)

Hougang Nest (In Progress)

Went to pay my Hougang Nest a visit on Sat.... am guilty as charged, have only been back there once since the last time I posted.. My darling Joe has been the faithful main con ;) Thanks dear! Take a look at some updates below...


The view from the front door, this area is the main foyer, planning to have an art gallery of sorts on the left wall. See the small little light? That's a spot light!


Our living room with the stylo black fan. The painting in the house hasn't been completed yet, but yes our living room's gonna look chocolate brown, dark and cosy!


Our relaxation room - bright orange, nice and cheery!


The common toilet... love the mosaic.. sea-green and turquoise.. some of my fav colours =)

That's all for now, kind of a very very sneak preview.. ;)

Marriage Preparation Course

Recently, Joe and me enrolled in a Marriage Preparation Course organised by Touch Community Services. Although Pastor had done a church-wide series on marriage, we thought it would be good to attend a course in a smaller group, allowing for discussions. We chose this course too as it would be conducted by a real-life couple in the comfort of their home. And after going thru 2 lessons the past 2 Sundays, really find my instructors very warm and hospitable. Feel they also created a great family environment that anyone would love to grow up in.

Learnt a lot and shall share more in other posts, here's some interesting insights:

* Sex is second to hunger for a guy! Wow, I sure didn't know that! Just imagine, second to hunger! And that is why it is important that the wife fulfills that need in her husband.

* For a wife, if the husband helps out with housework, it is a real act of love for the wife. If he neglects to do that, she will feel as if one of her emotional needs are not being met. Yes, HOUSEWORK!

* We often talk about how communication is very important for a couple. Thus, it is important to understand how communication can break down in a relationship. Breakdown of communication is often a symptom of a lack of respect for each other. It can occur gradually when a couple starts to lose respect for each other and devalue each other. So it is important that you always reflect and ensure you respect and value your spouse.

* Once a couple gets married, loyalty to each other must take prominence over loyalty to their family. No spouse should ever feel that he/she is less important than the spouse's family.

* A couple should always have a united front before their families. And that would mean that when you have marriage problems, dun share with your family members or friends or go back to your family home. Family members and friends will always take sides and be biased and matters will be complicated. Instead, find a neutral and objective third party to help you resolve matters.

* After a quarrel, dun leave your spouse physically and most of all, dun leave the room or the house. No matter how angry, still sleep on the same bed so that once you have sorted out your feelings and you are ready to reconcile, you can easily do it.

* Always make time to date even after marriage and make time for "couple talk" - heart to heart talk, no matter how busy you may be. Many couples neglect that after the wedding and some even become strangers living under the same roof. Dun let your various commitments take precedence!

* Before marriage, it would be good to discuss important issues like family arrangements, frequency of visiting in-laws, finances, number of kids, etc.

Interesting?

Donuts and more dough-y delights

Ever wondered how the humble sugar-coated doughnut became the hottest food craze of 2007? All because of product extension, which means variations of the original product. Someone decided that if they created different fascinating flavours of the simple doughnut, it would intrigue people enough to be crazy about them. And that is why we have mouth-watering variations like Double Chocolate, Spicy Cheese, Apple Cinnamon, and perhaps there will soon be local-inspired ones like Durian and Chilli Crab!

Realised that there are many new outlets that have gone the product extension route. First we have Chewy Junior, which looks like a doughnut but is really more similar to a cream puff. I tried it and found it much too chewy for my liking, I was expecting something softer in texture. If you have tried Cheese Mochi Mochi from Four Leaves, Chewy Junior's texture is pretty similar to that. So so only and I wouldn't buy it again.

At Tanjong Pagar Plaza where you can find the 1st outlet of Chewy Junior (they are at Bugis Junction Basement as well), there's a small nondescript stall, Fancy Delight, selling egg tarts. What's different about these egg tarts are they are not short and flat like your typical egg tart but tall and chock-full of the egg custard and other ingredients. They have flavours like melting chocolate, banana, corn, apple cinnamon and even mushroom chicken. Worth to try though I would prefer if the egg custard was more eggy.

And at the newly renovated Bugis Junction Basement, there are a few new food outlets going the Donut Factory route. One dough-y variation is D'ough Culture. They serve you you tiao topped with the usual suspects like chocolate, oreo bits, apple, cream, etc. I haven't tried them myself but I heard they are quite tasty. Apparently, it is the brain child of a traditional dough company wishing to reinvent you tiao for the new generation.

Another stall that is also trying to modernise its fare is Otah Inc. It is set up by a family that have been making otah for three generations. Otah of different flavours, with unique ones like Tom Yam, Laksa and Black Pepper are slathered onto white bread and then toasted.

And finally the most interesting food concept of all - fries with as many as 20 sauces to choose from! Looks yummy! Wonder how the Spicy Chilli Crab sauce tastes like? Will give Yella Fellas a try soon!

I'm sure there are many more interesting food concepts not thought of yet .. wonder what the next food innovation will be?

Let me go home

I am unfortunately still at work right now.. it's been 4 nites in a row. Just heard this song "Home" By Michael Buble on the radio. Those highlighted lines are so apt..

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
I still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

Check out the song below:

Advertlets down!

My lappy is now under servicing cos the internal speakers are down. Thus, wun be posting much the next few days.


On another note, if you tried to access my blog over the weekend, you may have been redirected to another website stating Advertlets.com's domain has expired. First of all, Advertlets is a blog advertising blog enabling bloggers to earn some income by serving ads on their blogs. You can read here for more info on it and a comparison with it and other ad serving networks. Apparently, the company failed to renew their domain, causing the boo boo. That is such a silly mistake for a tech company. I believe many rushed to remove Advertlets' code from their site cos it was preventing people from reading their blogs. I was one of them! I think this little oversight also made them lost credibility. Honestly, I would think twice of putting their code on my blog again!


Remember this: even small details result in huge consequences!

Dalja's Spring

After a long day at work, all I wanna do is prop myself at the couch and watch TV. I find it especially relaxing to watch Korean dramas. And not just any kind of Korean dramas, but romantic comedies, the funnier the better. The first Korean movie I watched was "Please Teach Me English". I laughed out-loud and non-stop! Sometimes I will watch it again just to destress. Seriously, do get a VCD of this movie if you can or watch it on Crunchyroll.

Currently, I am watching Dalja's Spring, which is pretty funny too. It is also an insightful observation of society, females going for younger guys and highly educated females remaining single. What I really like are the beautiful drawings featured at the middle or end of each episode. They try to sum up in a drawing the main gist or key incident of each episode. I think Koreans are really creative. For Princess Hours, they also ended each episode with cute teddy bears replaying a key scene in the episode. Check out some of these cool drawings below:

The show is about a 33 year old female who is accomplished in her career, financially independent yet no achievement romantically.


She wonders when her prince charming will appear and is constantly in self-doubt as to why she is still not attached. She thinks perhaps it is too late for her and she will remain a spinster for life.


Yet, through a series of events, she finds herself in a often dreamed about situation, a love triangle with two guys vying for her affections.


She finally chooses the guy who is six years her junior. And lives happily ever after.....?

Change is necessary

Change is necessary for growth and progress.
Change of direction will lead to change of action and finally change of DESTINY.
Repent = to go back to the highest level of thinking.
All change begins with a decision -> a dedication to the change -> dedication will lead to discipline.
Change takes courage and faith.
When change is necessary, not to change is destructive.
You either change by a decision, or by a crisis.
What areas in your life needs CHANGE?